And all is just a lie. From A to Z. A fucking lie.
You will forget me, easily. Because you don't care. & I will forget you, as easily as you will. Because I don't care. You're just a trick, a lie to my feelings. The ones which hurt so deep inside. Do you even like me? Do I?
Another palliative to my life. This is what you are.

And I'm a bitch myself, with myself.

I've been away for so long. First strugglin', then just livin'. But my mind starts strugglin' again today. The end is so close. But we're good together, aren't we? The feelings, and the fear. I'm dancing in the dark, my eyes shut, your voice in my head. And your smile, I like your smile. And I say I will try while you say Don't forget me, will you? But I won't, forget you I mean.

I can feel the smell of -white- wine in my nose as if I actually did drink some. The drea.mers. A powerful and weirdo movie for a single and lonely night. Once more one of those days where my thoughts'd been cluttered up with the other side of the ocean. Not enough. I have to try harder. To shut my mind off. Because of you. Because of me. Because of us. And because of everyone else. When hope is stronger that you are, the only solution is to cut yourself down. I'm just gonna try harder, might be enough.

"A cup of coffee and a cigarette please" -not that I like coffee or smoke 'cause I do not. For the last couple of days, a lot is going on in my mind and I've been thinking too much about it. Blame -and shame- on Gr.eek. A soulmate is somebody with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility -I can hear Beaver says Wik.ipedia. Not that I do believe in soulmates neither. But it kind of freaked me out, no matter why. Ask few friends around what name comes with soulmate talking of me. The answer seems obvious. Truth is, I have a brain damage -did I lose you along the way? 'cause I am lost. A friend of mine said to me that soulmates were not meant to be together,that it was the sad part of the story. He means a lot to me, and I do really care about him. I also know that he will always be part of my story. But it looks like I am aware too -maybe for the first time? or let say the second- that he won't be my story. Because of the past, and because of the present. And this freaked me out. Sure, we don't know what the future will be made of. But today, the only thing I have in mind are: coffee and cigarettes. This is my feeling about my end of the world right now. It might change -it will probably change- but I can't deny it.