I can feel the smell of -white- wine in my nose as if I actually did drink some. The drea.mers. A powerful and weirdo movie for a single and lonely night. Once more one of those days where my thoughts'd been cluttered up with the other side of the ocean. Not enough. I have to try harder. To shut my mind off. Because of you. Because of me. Because of us. And because of everyone else. When hope is stronger that you are, the only solution is to cut yourself down. I'm just gonna try harder, might be enough.

"A cup of coffee and a cigarette please" -not that I like coffee or smoke 'cause I do not. For the last couple of days, a lot is going on in my mind and I've been thinking too much about it. Blame -and shame- on Gr.eek. A soulmate is somebody with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility -I can hear Beaver says Wik.ipedia. Not that I do believe in soulmates neither. But it kind of freaked me out, no matter why. Ask few friends around what name comes with soulmate talking of me. The answer seems obvious. Truth is, I have a brain damage -did I lose you along the way? 'cause I am lost. A friend of mine said to me that soulmates were not meant to be together,that it was the sad part of the story. He means a lot to me, and I do really care about him. I also know that he will always be part of my story. But it looks like I am aware too -maybe for the first time? or let say the second- that he won't be my story. Because of the past, and because of the present. And this freaked me out. Sure, we don't know what the future will be made of. But today, the only thing I have in mind are: coffee and cigarettes. This is my feeling about my end of the world right now. It might change -it will probably change- but I can't deny it.

You can't buy it or sell it. You can't see it or hear it or touch it. To have it you have to give it away. Everybody needs it. It's just about the best thing in the whole world. What is it? Friendship!

It's a long word but it isn't nearly long enough to explain all the things that friendship is. Once you have a friend, you start to find out just how many good things are rolled into that one word.

Friendship is a happy thing. Everybody's always looking for hapiness. Well, friends find it every time they get together -regardless of the weather.

It's like finding the pot of gold at the BEGINNING of the rainbow.

Dean Walley - Friendship is a very special thing.

I miss my friends.
Being away is the best way to find out who really is your friend and who is faking, who really cares about you and who doesn't. It's hard to believe that most of your so-called friends don't have time to give news or even to ask how you are doing miles away from what you were used to. I know that -sometimes- I am not one of the best friend you can expect to have. I know that -often- I let myself get carried away by life. And I know that those days (months) are part of this time. I am miles away, running away from each of you and from what my life used to be, trying to find myself on a different road. I had to. But I will be back. And I hope you will be back too. What I mean is, I think I understood something important about friendship: I might be miles away, you might not be talking to me (and I might not be talking to you neither) but you are still my friends and I think of you everyday even if I don't make it obvious. Friendship is not only about giving news to each other every single day. Friendship is to be here, whenever you need it, whatever you will go through in life. And I -do really- hope that at the end of this experience, I'm gonna find you again.

Blank. I feel like empty. 
My thoughts are full. I'd like to put them down. But nothing comes. It seems as if I am only able to write when I am -or feel at least- unhappy. I am not sure it means that I am happy -even if I do really feel happy like every single day here- because I know that I could be happier if such or such thing -mmh yeah yeah- was different. Weird. Maybe my mind just figured out how to ignore what is happening miles away from me. But if so, I am wondering what's going to happen when I will be back over there...

Am I only supposed to feel something?